Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
