i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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