i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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