bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
