He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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