Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
