she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
