break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
