i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
