if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
