I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
