a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
