you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
