did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
