No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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