so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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