Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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