I am puke
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
