At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
