I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
