I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
