So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
