She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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