If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
