I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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