My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
