I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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