does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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