You really coming over, don't trick.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
