Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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