she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
