the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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