Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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