I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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