You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I will be naked everywhere
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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