I seem to have left my pride at pride
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
