Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
