i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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