There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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