Non-Jews are for practice
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
