discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
zippers are such a cool invention
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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