he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
