Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
