Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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