Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
