just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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