I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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