Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
