I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
