And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
