Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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