I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you had me at cake vodka
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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