haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
